Can you comfort yourself with a sense of revenge

Luskin has spent decades studying the benefits of forgiveness. In a recent Stanford Pathfinders podcast episode , he explained that most of the reasons to forgive are for your own welfare. It triggers physical distress. Here are eight ways to work on that. When someone hurts you, Luskin says, grief and anger are natural and healthy responses. So is self-pity! Constructive anger solves a problem in the moment by galvanizing you so that you respond appropriately to a threat, Luskin says.

Destructive anger is repetitive and has no positive result. You just accept it and make peace. So getting hurt is inevitable. We have to have a mechanism for letting it go and making peace, in order to have happy sustainable relationships. Our natural sense of self-protection compels us to act in order to avoid feeling vulnerable as if there is nothing we can do to right the wrong.

Instead, forgiveness is about overcoming your anger and quelching your desire to punish the other person. Not true. Studies show that focusing on revenge increases stress, inhibits mental functions, and weakens the immune system; the negative emotions that you harbor do more harm to yourself than the person who offended you. Conversely, practicing forgiveness has been linked to lower blood pressure, reduced fatigue, and an improved quality of sleep.

You can forgive someone and still call the police, testify in court, or love them from a distance. The problem for many of us is that sometimes we claim to forgive a person, but deep down the anger or resentment lingers.

Be honest about the root of your anger without exaggerating the situation or rearranging the details. Our guide to affordable therapy can help. But regularly putting off sleep not only leaves you groggy during the day but also impacts your overall health. Depriving your body of what it needs to survive will eventually take a toll. We all have things that we miss out on when we have packed schedules, but finding time to take care of ourselves should not be on that list.

Even if it takes sending a Google calendar invite to your best friend to ensure they call you at 1pm to spark taking a short break, figure out what works for you. Taneasha White is a Black, queer lover of words, inquisition, and community, and has used her role within both literary and organizational spaces to make room for folks who are often cast aside. You can find more of her work here.

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